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Kennel Club Blues/Transcript
This is an episode transcript for Kennel Club Blues. Transcript Jason: Houston, mayday! Our ship is under assault by amphibians. And they're hopping mad! Frog: (croaks) Michelle: Look at all these great bugs. An a-number one top notch collection. Jason: Tryguy's still your flies. Michelle: Oh, that'd be fun, Jason. Let's make our own zoo. Our motto could be, "Every bug under the sun." We could catch butterflies, and bluebirds. Jason: And crocodiles. And wooly mammoths! Jason and Michelle: We're gonna need a bigger jar! (laugh) Grandmum: What a wonderful thing it is to hear the sound of children's laughter on such a glorious day. Michelle: Look, Grandmum, I caught some ladybugs. Jason: And an amphibious invader. Frog: (croaks) Grandmum: What fun. You know, I believe there's an old fish tank in the attic somewhere. A bit of dirt, a few plants, makes a charming little creature home. It's called a terrarium. This way, you create a place that's just like the bugs' home. It's nicer than a jar. Michelle: But, Grandmum, they're a bunch of bugs. Jason: And one bug-eater. Michelle: Do we really need to make a special place for them? They're just bugs. Grandmum: Oh, bugs are God's creatures, too. If you make them pet, you need to take care of them. The Good Book says, "A righteous man has regard for his animal." That means, a good person makes sure his pets have homes, where their needs are taken care of properly, so they're healthy and happy. Michelle: Making a garden for them sounds complicated, Grandmum. I just want a good collection. Grandmum: But is a jar really a home, poppet? If what you offer isn't a home, well they should live free to find their own. Jason: I think a terrarium sounds very cool. Come on, Grandmum, let's go find it. Grandmum: Alright, come along. Let's get started. Michelle: If I put them in a terrerium with dirt and leaves, they'll just hide. What's the point of having a great collection? I have regard for my animals. I just want to be able to see them. Ha! Gotcha! Wow, you're a big one. Zidgel: Captain's blog, stardate, summer. We've just picked up Michelle, and Kevin is stuck in a jar...again. Of course, (grunts) we're not really worried. Once, Kevin spent three days stuck in a bottle of lemon juice. (grunts) Sure, he was all puckered up when he finally got out, but boy, could he whistle. (grunts) Well, his bunk can be much smaller. Michelle: There. Zidgel: I must have loosened it up for you. Midgel: Well, are you willing to help us? Michelle: Help you? With what? Fidgel: Oh, my. Kevin was supposed to show you something. Show her now, Kevin. Michelle: Lost cato'pillow. Wait, our mission is to rescue a lost kitty? Fidgel: A cato'pillow, actually. Zidgel: And then return it safely to the emperor of Planet Kennel. Michelle: How fun! I'm great with animals! You should see my bug collection. I keep them in this jar, like the one Kevin was stuck in. Answers to "79". 79? What's that mean? Fidgel: We believe it's the poor creature's name. Michelle: 79? Yuck! What kind of name is that for a little kitty? Zidgel: Pfff, well, it's a whole lot better than "Zidgel". Zidgel: I mean, for a kitty. "Zidgel" is a perfectly acceptable name for a penguin, of course. What did you name your bugs? Michelle: I didn't. Maybe I should have. What's this? "When found, open locket for reward." Midgel: We figured the emperor must have added the reward later. Fidgel: And so, we've decided to add the reward notice to the new posters we're making as well. Midgel: We've been posting them at roadside beacons all along the space ways. We're coming up on another one now. Midgel: Captain, we got an incoming message from Central Command. Zidgel: Ooh, (clears throat) put it onscreen with HD million point two stereo multi-surround sound and 3D high definition super vision. Fidgel: How about on fax paper with toner. Zidgel: Uh, right. Michelle and Kevin: (giggle) Zidgel: Hey, paper is very high tech! I've heard of people making airplanes out of this stuff! Midgel: What's it say? Fidgel: It says that a mysterious figure was at the lounge this morning. Midgel: Really? Fidgel: Yes! Zidgel: And he bought-- Fidgel: A gold locket from another customer for a golden cato'pillow, the stranger had said. Michelle: Wow! That sounds exactly like 79! Did they see which way he went? Zidgel: Toward the Cat--! Fidgel: Toward the Catnip Nebula. Zidgel: Stop that! This is my message and I should be the one that gets to tell everyone what it says! Understand? Fidgel: Yes, sir. Sorry, sir. Zidgel: Alright, then, now, where were we? Stranger...locket...golden...nebula. Ah! Here we are! (clears throat) Sincerely, Commander Strap. Awww! Michelle: I bet 79's at the Catnip Nebula! Fidgel: You know, I believe that you are correct! Midgel: Then, to the nebula, it is! Bons--! Zidgel: Now, wait! I'm the captain! I get to yell something around here! Bird's eye! Rockhopper crew: Bonsai! Michelle: There are so many of them! It's like a cato'pillow collection! Zidgel: I'll bet that there are more than four of them! Fidgel: There are precisely 157 cato'pillows out there at the present time. Zidgel: Ha! I was right! Midgel: How are we ever gonna find number 79 in this swarm? Zidgel: How about we send Kevin out there as a big cat toy? Fidgel: Uh, negative, Captain. They're all cats, so they'll all want the cat toy. Zidgel: Okay, but one of them will be 79, right? Michelle: I've got an idea! Michelle: 79! Here, 79-9-9-9-9! Michelle: I said I was good with animals. Kevin: Don't worry, 79, we'll take good care of you. Michelle: You know, 79 isn't really a name. It's a number. I'll call you Goldie, for your golden locket. Midgel: Alright, Goldie, hold on, we're headin' home! Bonsai! Cavitus: Everything is going exactly as planned. Soon, the penguins will be penguins no more! (evil laughter) I can just hear those ridiculous penguins now. (in falsetto) Get the reward! Get the reward! Hurry! Open the locket, Smidgel, or Blidgel, (in normal voice) or whatever your name is. Oh, come on, now. You can go ahead and laugh, that was pretty funny. Minions: (forced laughter) Cavitus: Good. Good. But not as good as the looks on the penguins' faces when they open that locket, and poof! (in falsetto) Oh, no! Look, I'm a hamster! Oh, no! (in normal voice) That was funny. You can laugh again. Minion #1: But, master. You are a hamster. Minion #2: See? Hamster. Bert: Of course I know I'm a hamster! Cavitus: Don't you remember putting that powder into the gold locket? The powder will turn anyone who touches it into a hamster. Remember? Minion #1: Well, yeah. I bought that golden locket. Minion #2: To put the hamster powder in! Cavitus: Right! I knew, because I'm an evil genius, that when the penguins found that cat creature, they'd open the locket for the reward, touch the powder, and poof! Three, two, one, hamsters! No more penguins, no more problems. Minion #1: Uh, but why hamsters, boss? Cavitus: Because then, those foolish penguins will finally know what it is to be me. (evil laughter) Minions: (evil laughter) Cavitus: No! Stop that. The evil laughter I do by myself. (evil laughter) Zidgel: Captain's blog, thanks to Cadet Michelle, we've retrieved the missing pet and are flying just zippity-kazoom to get her back home. Goldie: (meows) Fidgel: Very strange. It's almost as if Goldie doesn't wish to return home. Midgel: That can't be right, doctor. There's got to be something else. Fidgel: Hmmm, my readings indicate a high level of physical and emotional stress. Michelle: Oh, I'm sure she's just anxious to get home. Guys, stop worrying, I'm the one that knows animals, remember? Zidgel: Hey, I just remembered that there's a reward in that locket. Fidgel: No, no, Captain. Technically, Michelle was the one who recaptured the creature. Midgel: That's right, you earned it, Michelle. Kevin: Ooh, open it, open it! Michelle: I don't want it. I didn't rescue Goldie for a reward. I did it because she's just so cute. Kevin: Me too. Midgel: Me three. Fidgel: Me four. Zidgel: Me seventeen percent! Michelle, Midgel, Fidgel, and Kevin: Five! Zidgel: (groans) I've always been bad at math. Zidgel: For a place called Planet Kennel, there sure aren't very many animals aro-- Emperor: Welcome! I'm the emperor of--there she is! You were very bad to wander off. The whole collection just hasn't been the same without ya. Michelle: Collection? Emperor: Oh, yes. I've got the most extensive collection of cato'pillows in the galaxy. And 79 is an important part of it. Michelle: Actually, your majesty, I kinda named her Goldie. After her gold locket. Emperor: How nice. Well, come inside. Come inside. Emperor: Impressive, isn't it? Emperor: I'm the only one to have cato'pillows organized into patterns. See? Blue, gold, blue, gold, blue, gold! There. The pattern is complete again. Michelle: Wow, that's amazing! Emperor: Yes, well, this kennel houses hundreds of animals, organised into the most remarkable patterns. Cavitus: I don't understand why they haven't opened the locket. Hamster powder should be everywhere by now. No one can resist a reward. Minion #2: Can't we just make it open? Cavitus: You mean, by remote control? Yes, yes, of course! Good call, mindless minion! Say goodbye to the penguins as penguins! Ten. Nine. Michelle: Do you really think they're happy locked up in these cages? They don't look like proper homes for cato'pillows. Emperor: They've never complained. Michelle: Of course not. They can't tell you how they feel. Can we at least help you exercise them before we go? Emperor: You mean, play? Outside? Oh, no! They'd make a mess of the yard! Anyway, I think they're right at home in their cages. Zidgel: But to be stuck in here just to be part of a collection seems-- Emperor: Come on now! I'm the emperor! Obviously, I know what's best! You know, I'm great with animals! Besides, they may not look like it, but they're just a bunch of big bugs, right? Zidgel: Okay! That's good enough for me! Michelle: I guess...but they're your bugs. You should care for them, shouldn't you? Cavitus: Three. Two. One. Minion #1: Master, wait! The penguins are no longer there! They've left the planet. Cavitus: Dowh! Those penguins! You think you're sooooo clever! Zidgel: To the penguins! Who, I think are sooooo clever! Penguins: To us! Huzzah! Fidgel: Actually, our expedient success can be directly attributed to our impressive cadet, Michelle. Zidgel: To, uh, whatever he said! Penguins: Whatever he said, huzzah! Michelle: To Goldie! Penguins: To Goldie! Huzzah! Zidgel: Who, once again, is safely back home. Grandmum: (mental voice): A good person makes sure his pets have homes where their needs are taken care of properly, so they're healthy and happy. Michelle: Captain! We've got to go back to Planet Kennel! We've made a big mistake! Zidgel: Mistake? What? Did we leave my hair gel back there? Michelle: No! We left Goldie back there! It's dark and cold and she never gets to go outside and play! Zidgel: Relax, cadet! The emperor said he was great with animals. Goldie's in fine hands, uh, paws. Midgel: I've just heard from the admiral. We've got an assignment to Planet Bar-B-Q! Zidgel: Mmmm, sounds zesty! Okay, everyone! To the ship! Wait, has anyone seen Cadet Michelle? Cowboy alien: Yesiree, I did! Let her borrow my space bronco, too! Emperor: Hello, 79. Did I hear something about you wearing a golden locket? Well, I wonder where this came from. Maybe there's something written inside. Emperor: (panics) Minion #2: Master! She's going back to Planet Kennel! Cavitus: Yes, I see that. Minion #1: Oooh, that means your plan can still work. Cavitus: Yes, I know! Minion #2: So, now you'll probably want me to follow her? Cavitus: Actually, let's all follow her! Cavitus: Well?! Michelle: Emperor? Emperor? Emperor: (in high-pitched voice) Young lady, I'm here! Locked in a cage! Michelle: Emperor, I don't see you! Oh, Goldie, look at you! I can't believe I left you in this terrible place! Emperor: (in high-pitched voice) No! Wait! Don't touch the powder! Michelle: Why have you become (in high-pitched voice) a hamster? Oh, no! Jason would love this! What's with the hamster powder? Emperor: (in high-pitched voice) I don't really know. It burst from the golden locket when I opened it. Michelle: (in high-pitched voice) Ah, so that was the "reward"! What villain did this? Emperor: (in high-pitched voice) Maybe this is my reward for being a villain. Michelle: (in high-pitched voice) What do you mean? Emperor: (in high-pitched voice) I hate being locked up in this little cage. Now I know how my pets must feel. Poor things. Look around you! I'm responsible for a far worse crime than hamster powder! I was given the great honor of having these creatures in my care. And look how I've treated them! I didn't understand what their lives were like in these cages. This isn't a home--this is a prison! Michelle: (in high-pitched voice) My grandmum told me, "A righteous man has regard for his animal." Emperor: (in high-pitched voice) And I've only had regard for myself. Not like you, dear girl. I assume you've come back to help 79, I mean, Goldie? Michelle: (in high-pitched voice) Hm, believe me, I'm still learning this lesson myself! I realize this is no way to treat pets. Goldie needs a proper home. So, I came back to help her. Emperor: (in high-pitched voice) Well, there's still time! Up high there's a lever. Michelle: (in high-pitched voice) I see it! Emperor: (in high-pitched voice) Trust me--pull that lever and this place will go wild! Hurry! Michelle: (in high-pitched voice) Goldie, hold on! Emperor: (in high-pitched voice) Just to your right! Hurry! Michelle: (strains) Cavitus: Aha! I see you couldn't resist my "reward" after all! Now, which one of the penguins are you? All you hamsters tend to look alike you know. Michelle: (in high-pitched voice) It takes one to know one, Bert! Cavitus: Michelle? You're not a penguin at all! And don't call me that! When I'm in the suit, I'm the evil von Cavi--! Huh? Cavitus: No! Stay out of there! No! No! No! No! That tickles! Stop it! Emperor: (in high-pitched voice) Go, Michelle! Bert: No! Stay out of here! Only one hamster can be in here at a time! Michelle: (in high-pitched voice) Then, how about I drive for a while? Bert: No! Hey! (laughs) No, no, that tickles! No fair! Bert: (screams) Michelle: (in deep voice) Emperor, are you alright? Ooh, that sounds cool! Emperor, I will find you! Zidgel: Oh, no, you won't, Cavitus! Tackle him, guys! Michelle: (in deep voice) No, stay back! Zidgel: (in high-pitched voice) You know, he's a lot taller in person. Michelle: (in deep voice) Guys, guys, settle down, it's me! (in high-pitched voice) Michelle! Penguins: (high-pitched gasp) Fidgel: (in high-pitched voice) Michelle, so you were changed into a hamster as well! Midgel: (in high-pitched voice) And, wait a minute! You've got Cavitus' suit! Cool! Michelle: (in deep voice) Yes! But wait! Why are there five of you? Bert: Because one of them is me! Michelle: (in high-pitched voice) Woah! Cavitus: Ah. It's good to be tall. (chuckles) You'd better run. Midgel: (in high-pitched voice) Okay, run! Cavitus: (evil laughter) Fidgel: Remarkable! The sunlight reverses the transformation! Kevin: Gotcha! Cavitus: Well, that didn't go the way I hoped. Cavitus: (struggles) Get me out of here! Midgel: Hold him! Hold him, Kevin! Hold him! Zidgel: Why do I have this strange urge to run in a wheel like crazy, but not actually go anywhere? Fidgel: We're so sorry, Michelle. Emperor: Actually, Michelle. I don't think that this is an ending. I think it signals a new beginning. For all of us! This is going to be the best animal home in the whole galaxy from now on! Fidgel: Michelle, it's Goldie! Michelle: Emperor, what's happening?! Penguins: Oooooohh! Ahhhh! Michelle and penguins: (laugh and cheer) Michelle: Wow, you sure caught a lot of fireflies while I was gone. Jason: I almost hate to let these guys go. Michelle: Well, we can't keep them caged up in a jar. Jason: But the terrarium I fixed up is so cool! Michelle: I know. But it's still nothing like their real home. Jason: I guess the adventure you told me about made you think differently about animals, huh? Michelle: I learned how important it is to make a real home for your pets. Jason: Well, we still have the best "zoo" ever, right in our garden. Michelle: You said it, Jason. Jason: Could use a hamster, though. Michelle: Jason! Jason and Michelle: (laugh) Category:Transcripts Category:3-2-1 Penguins! transcripts Category:Finished Transcripts